That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm sobbing to NWA
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
