Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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