The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
