2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
