Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
