im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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