Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
