I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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