Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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