and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
