apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
