I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
