i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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