Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
