Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
