Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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