Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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