I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I had to cum in my sink.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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