Do you still have your period?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
