Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
