Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
