fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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