he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize