I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
