I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
