Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize