i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
it hurts more in the daytime
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
