the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Also, beer. Big fan.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
