she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is Oprah even human
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
