So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
