i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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