I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
