Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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