You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
