your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
