UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
