he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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