What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
