new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
