apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Terrible idea I love it
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
COCAINE IS GR8
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