it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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