winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
