I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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