The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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