Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
