stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
