You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I wish I only lived at night.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
