Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
