So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
