I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
