2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Did I show you my penis last night?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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