oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
