I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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