Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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