my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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