Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
