Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
