Having a random hookup so left but love u
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
