there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
