ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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