420 ftw
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
