I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We had to coat check the pizza.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
