this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
