i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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